The hazard of breaking confidences

The primary hazard of breaking confidences is broken trust.  When trust is lost, relationship is dissolved and the ability to be a healing presence disintegrates.  For this reason keeping confidences is crucial to being a healer.  Sometimes it means you aren’t able to get people the help they need.  Sometimes it means you are left carrying burdens or an awareness of situations you wish you knew nothing about, but this is part of being a healing presence.  Silent support and sounding boards are the best help to people who are trying to emerge from personal crises.

When is it OK to break confidences?

If there is a safety issue, don’t carry a secret alone!  Ask yourself:

• Who can be trusted to keep confidence and make a healing difference?
• Who could best help make this situation safer?

Get to know the counselors and law enforcement officials in your area so you are better equipped to answer those questions. 

Is the person whose safety is in question considered to be vulnerable?
Are they a child or functionally impaired adult?

Both clergy and nurses are legally bound to report safety concerns regarding vulnerable people to the social service department of their county of residence.

Counter anything starting with “I shouldn’t be telling you this but…” with a reminder of your mandated reporter status.  This will help you to keep healthy boundaries and trust at the heart of relationship. 

Create action plans together Empower the concerned person to act on their own behalf whenever possible.  Serve as their accountability partner, not as their rescuer.

Are you willing to accept the consequences of keeping what you’ve learned to yourself?

Nurses are inclined to lean toward advocacy (sharing).  Clergy are inclined to walk with pain (not share).  Parish nurses need to do both, without becoming fixers or enablers.  Triangles occur when helpers insert themselves into unhealthy situations in isolation.  Share burdens with a trustworthy confidant whenever safety is a concern.

It is hard to be both advocate and sojourner.  If your presence as a healer is needed in a situation, someone else should take on the role of mandated reporter.  If your presence as an advocate is needed, then another should take on the role of sojourner.

Discern what your role should be by considering the probable consequences of your actions.  Consider your own safety in discerning consequences. Consequences such as loss of job, broken family, potential lawsuit, broken trust, isolation or abuse amplified occur when things are not handled cautiously.  Action plans should reduce the risk of such consequences when possible.  Plans should not be born of anxiety.