Where do I start?

Be a good listener

• Hear the story. Don’t dwell on the facts.  Focus on how thoughts led to reactions.

Acknowledge feelings but don’t fall prey to villain, victim, had no choice recounts.

• Don’t try to fix it.
• Keep your confidences
• Walk with, not ahead of the person
• Separate the people from their actions
• Use perceptive “I feel” or “I sense” statements.
• Avoid judgmental “You are” or “You’re not” statements. 
• Use analogies based on shared memories or values:
• “Remember when…  Remember how you felt?  This reminds me of that situation”
• “Pretend for a minute that… How would you feel if…?  That’s how this feels to me.”

Claim your personal power as a friend. Real friends set limits. Try saying:

• “I like you…I just don’t like what you’re doing”
• “If this was me… wouldn’t you be concerned?”
• “So should I just start self destructing with you?”  This my lead to admitting an error.

Teach refusal skills

• Say “NO”
• Suggest an Alternative
• Walk Away

Cosign a self contract as an accountability partner. (See self contract)