Risky Choices: Root Causes

Boredom: Thrill seeking

• “What else is there to do?” …means I’m bored.
• Boredom comes from a lack of imagination.
• Practice imagination. Create 101 alternatives to poor choices

Curiosity: Tactile learners

• “Experience is the best teacher” …means I’m curious.
• Experience can be an unmerciful cruel teacher.  Actions have consequences.
• Practice acting it out.  Create experiences in consequence through role play.

Feeling like a loser or an outsider: The need to belong

• “Everyone’s doing it”…means I just want to be like people I admire.
• People who feel inferior or alienated want to feel like they’re belong somewhere.
• Create positive places of belonging in circles of ‘admirable’ people.

Feeling neglected:  The need for interaction

• “What do you care?”…means I’m not getting the attention I need.
• People who feel neglected do things to get attention.*
• Attend to the positive. Be proactive.

Helplessness / resentment: The need to choose.

• “Just watch me!”… means I’m tired of being controlled.
• People who feel they are being controlled too much break rules.
• Pick your battles.  Ignore acting out if it’s not harmful to self or others.

Anger: The need to process underlying hurt or fear

• “I hate you”…means you hurt me, go away.
• People who are hurt sometimes hurt back by making poor choices.
• Getting even can end in regret, shame, guilt, burned bridges, more hurts and more anger.
• Some people self medicate their hurt feelings, with chemicals or behaviors like cutting.
• Teach this: Emotional anesthesia makes you boring & emotionally unintelligent.
• Teach this: Feelings like hurt & fear need to come out in words…not poor choices
• Practice listening for facts leading to thoughts, leading to feelings, leading to actions.

Verbalize concern for all of these things in the interest of healing.

• “Back off!”…means I’m sensitive about this, so I don’t want to talk, even if I need to.
• “It’s none of your business”…means I want to guard my hurt feelings.
• Don’t walk away when someone needs to talk. Sit still, be quiet & just listen